Paisley Vintage Blog

Go the %$#&%# to sleep!


My children could win an Olympic medal for excuses offered at bedtime. This week I’ve spent roughly an hour and a half each night getting them off to sleep, and I’m reminded once again why the book ‘Go the F%^$ to Sleep’ was written by Adam Mansbach. Haven’t heard of it? You can pop over here and listen to Morgan Freeman read it. (In case you haven’t already worked it out, there is some coarse language in the story, so be warned). It’s hilarious, and reflects absolutely my internal monologue whilst getting my little people to sleep.

Every night we have the same routine. It starts with talking, then singing. Loudly. Then I hear the rustling sheets, then the little foot steps.

I need a drink. PLEASE.

OK. Let’s get you one.

I need to go to the toilet.


I need XYZ toy.

Right! To be specific, this is actually any toy other than the five kagillion toys already in their room, or the ten I have already offered in the last half hour.

Once I’ve finally gotten then message through about not getting out of bed, that’s when the the calling out starts…

I need to go to the toilet again.

There are too many toys in my bed.

I don’t like these pajamas.

My arm / foot / leg / head / entire body is stuck between the bed and the wall / under the bed / under the mattress / in this toy.

I haven’t done all my homework / prepared my news item / made a card for someone I don’t ever talk about, play with or even like, but it is essential it be done now.

I have an itch / sore / pain that has miraculously appeared from absolutely no where. No I will not take a dose of Panadol to help it.

I need another drink.

But I just wanted to tell you that I love you Mummy.


It’s at this point almost comical, and I do try not to laugh when I hear ‘but I miss you’, said with outstretched arms and a heart felt sob. But honestly, I’m not buying it. AND I try not to lose my cool when all I really want is an hour or so of quiet before I go to bed.

I do love these little people, they make me smile and I wouldn’t ever be without them. Except when it’s 10.30pm and someone is still not going to bed. And then I’m ready to run screaming.

Please tell me I’m not the only person who has this going to bed nightmare! Does this happen at your place? What do you do to get your little ones to go to sleep?




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