I have thought a lot about this blog post. It feels like the queen over-share of over-shares but I also know that it also puts much into context for those who may be wondering…
Earlier this year I separated from my husband. I have two small children. I’m 38. This is not how I imagined my life, or more heart-breakingly, theirs.
Life is so incredibly complex, full of edges and corners that I’m navigating. I don’t know that I have the words to say much more than this, and may never mention it again. Hitting the publish button on this has been excruciating enough.
In the dark moments I wonder how I will take the next step forward. And then there are others when things are light, and bright, and I remember that I CAN.
I have been scared that people will judge me, deciding they don’t want to know this woman and her family. I worry that I will be discussed and sneered at. And worse are the thoughts of my children and what may be said or done to them. There is a part of my heart that will always be challenged with these fears.
And yet I have amazing family and friends who have held me up, and continue to hold my hand when I need it, even when I don’t realise it, and they might not realise either. Some will be reading this and when I finally work out the words that express the amazing gratitude I feel for each phone call, message, hug, visit or gesture, I will express it. I know it will never be enough.
I don’t know what will happen from one day to the next. So there may be days when I will be right on top of things. I will paint and blog and share photos of me trying desperately to get that coffee table into my car and home for a makeover. And other days when I might miss a post, a deadline or forget something. I’m finding a new normal. I hope you’ll stick with me.